I've Been An Actor, A Youtube Star, And A Friend Of Tequila Mockingbird

“This might be fun … I’ll meet tons of people”

That’s how I broke the news to my sweetie that I was gonna try acting after retirement – why not, right? I was 70-ish, had lived through a lot of stuff, looked like the media’s stereotypical chubby white-haired Granny, and had been told I give good face. I had ab-so-LUUUUTELY no idea of the language, etiquette, and policies of film or TV. But, why not?

I went to a cattle-call training session at a company that books background talent for movies and TV. On maybe the second job, I listened to all the veteran background peeps complain and grumble about the treatment. And yet, the background gig hadn’t moved out of my fun zone. I had a book, my knitting, and my phone and 3 spare batteries. I kept busy for 13 boring hours on scabby plastic folding chairs, sitting around waiting to be on set.

But, yeah, listening to people grumble was entertaining. I made friends with the ones who didn’t fuss. We had our own inside language and we practiced our subtle on-camera looks (keep it small). I listened in on a LOT of conversations, learning about online booking opportunities and more cool ways to score work – and learning the vocabulary and some of the etiquette. In addition to fun, I’m a knowledge junkie.

I worked maybe a dozen more gigs and then I found the “NO FUN” spot: in the parking lot of a hotel adjacent to the Fox lot, for 2 days on spindly plastic chairs, 5th in line for food, mandated to stay in our Fall wardrobe outside when temps were over 100, also in that Fall wardrobe inside the ballroom with no A/C, no water allowed on set, had to show your empty water bottle in holding before being issued a new one.

At about hour 8 of day 2 I went all “I’m not frikkin cattle” on ‘em. On day 1, the 1st AD had announced, “I’m also the safety officer, and if you feel that something is unsafe, you come to me IMMEDIATELY!” During a break, I approached him and requested more hydration breaks and permission to remove heavy Fall clothing between takes, and he asked me, “Do you need to go home?”

I stood firm, reminded him that he had TOLD us to come to him with safety concerns, asked what OSHA would think of the heat exhaustion we were experiencing, and he changed his tone … slightly. I worked the rest of my commitment that day. The next day I took my name off the roster of the furniture casting company.

Fast-forward a year or so and I was cast in student films, small indie projects, passion projects, and a funny skit for a car video company. It was all fun. Loads of fun. Smaller sets led to much more collaboration and engagement. I nurtured relationships. I completed all the courses at ComedySportz learning the valuable lesson of “yes, and!” More friendships from that time.

And, then came the skit that would launch me to a whole new level: PETA’s Thanksgiving 2015 campaign to make a vegan turducken – out of tofu – a tofucken. The bit was full of blue language – not sexy stuff, just cussing blue. I was not paid a dime to do the skit, but I couldn’t have picked a better visibility vehicle. I booked more gigs, and didn’t utter another swear word…on camera…for a year.

Three months after the TOFUCKEN video went over the 1 billion view mark, I was defending my participation to a pal who I hadn’t viewed as prudish. She asked, “How could you say all those words? Weren’t you ashamed?” Uh, no. I was comfortable with blue language.

And then in one of those improv moments, I fired back at her, “I dunno, I guess my inner Granny PottyMouth came out.” Improv 101:  I had a character. With my sassy know-it-all mindset, I thought I could start a YouTube channel and teach all the young’uns a thing or two from the lessons I’d learned the hard way. Or I could tell them the same things their parents had been telling them, but I wasn’t family, so maybe they’d listen.

By 5 years in, I had unofficially adopted over 800 thousand digital grandkids and had almost a million fans across three platforms. I completed a cookbook for a national publisher using some of the recipes from my videos. AND, I had an agent for theatrical and commercial submissions. I did a few high-profile commercials but always still non-union. Ha, although, I did appear in one episode of a SAG show – for about 33 seconds – and I still get mini-residuals for it and am SAG-eligible.

Uh oh, guess what: the fun was missing. LONG LONG hours on set that make no sense from a human resource standpoint. Being paid less as talent for a national commercial than the SAG medic. YouTube had a knee-jerk reaction to all PG-13 content and yanked ads from my channel and also throttled the delivery to my fan base. No revenue to create content, piddling wages for commercial work, and being on call 24/7/365. Yeah, that took the fun out of it.

About the time the fun was ending, my sweetie experienced challenging medical issues. I did one more outstanding national commercial while he was in treatment, and that was it. It was a total blast. Filmed on my 73rd birthday, in the L.A. heat outdoors, and again the SAG set medic made more than I did for 8 hours of work. Helming the spot was a director pal from one of my first gigs who remembered my facial expressions. We had birthday cupcakes at the wrap, the spot has been renewed twice with a pay bump, and my kid brother thinks I’m famous.

The bright spots in the drudge were: an immersive theatre adventure for 3 months (SOLID friendships); and a Storage Wars episode from 2017 that still airs; starring in a 4-episode mini-series that’s on Netflix (“Breakfast With Granny”); a 48-hour film project with the nascent Tequila Mockingbird team (friends); conceiving, co-writing, starring in, and co-producing “Patron Saint,” a TV pilot that won an award at a film festival (friends); and you guessed it, relationships. The best high in the world is the last shot on a project you love with people you ADORE!

Once my man recovered, I no longer felt compelled to revolve my life around the rigors of film/tv availability. I had my darlin’ back, better than before, and it was our time. Gratitude replaced servitude. Mortality smacked us right up side the head, and we recommitted to living EVERY day to the max.

I know I might still have fun collaborating on indie projects, helping to craft or critique projects, or hanging out with bright people who aren’t assholes (Tequila Mockingbird, that’s you). My YouTube fan base has been incredibly loyal and respectful of my slowdown so I might do more stuff for them. My closest creative colleagues are gently nudging me to give more good face and belly laughs. I gotta have fun and make a difference…with friends who will tell me if my sh*t stinks. Stay tuned!